


citrus and mint

by sunflower_8



Series: komahina week 2020 ! [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Ultimate Talents (Dangan Ronpa), Arguing, Childhood Friends, Depression, Don't Worry About It, Komaeda Fell Out Of A Tree Once, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Not Resolving Their Problems: A Komahina Love Story, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:55:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23788198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: he closes his eyes. komaeda braces himself. “... is that i think i like you, nagito. as in, uh, more than friends.”in retrospect, komaeda thinks, he probably couldn’t have braced himself enough.(or, komaeda and hinata are childhood friends trying to figure out each other)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Series: komahina week 2020 ! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713769
Comments: 33
Kudos: 160





	citrus and mint

komaeda doesn’t remember his life before hinata.

ever since he was a child (scraped knees chubby cheeks and all), he was best friends with him. the kind, protective hinata hajime. komaeda remembers the day they met-- he fell out of a tree, true to his character, and hinata called his mom over to help, giving him a lollipop he had after. it had been the best day of komaeda’s life,

but things have changed.

sure, hinata’s still his best friend, his  _ only  _ friend. but hinata has a whole circle of friends (none of which like komaeda) and a life beyond the two of them hanging out in playgrounds. he’s fairly popular, actually, for his good looks and kind nature, and he’s taken up swimming as a hobby. slowly, the two of them started hanging out less.

which is  _ okay.  _ komaeda doesn’t really mind. really, he’s  _ happy  _ to see his friend make other friends (even if none of them like komaeda), happy to see him date pretty girls (even if komaeda always wanted him), happy to see his schedule get more full (even if the times where hinata’s absent are always unbearably lonely).

at least hinata pities him enough to keep walking him home every day.

he’s waiting outside the school beside a cherry blossom tree, fiddling with his jacket and waiting for hinata to come out. the school just had a swimming competition so komaeda expects him to be around an hour late, but it only takes around forty-five minutes before he arrives, talking with friends komaeda doesn’t recognize as he walks towards the tree.

eventually, one of his friends calls out a “gotta go, see ya tomorrow!” and hinata finally directs his attention to komaeda.

“hi, hinata-kun!” komaeda didn’t always call him that, but he doesn’t find it appropriate to call him  _ hajime _ anymore.

hinata rolls his eyes. he disagrees with komaeda on that, usually. “hey, nagito. hope you weren’t waiting too long.”

“oh, no, it’s okay!” he reassures. “how was the competition?”

“it was fine.” he shrugs. they start walking. “beat my previous score.”

komaeda claps his hands together. “that’s great, hinata-kun!”

he offers komaeda one of his rare, fleeting smiles. “thanks. how have you been?”

hinata’s surprisingly good at reading people, but komaeda figures that hinata is probably too tired to press the matter. so, when he says, “i’m wonderful!” hinata just sighs but lets the comment linger. komaeda’s thankful for that, though it does feel a bit manipulative.

he’s fine with that, though. as long as hinata’s happy.

they walk silently, aside from komaeda’s happy humming, which hinata doesn’t try to stop. they pass by the same houses they always do-- hinata waves at some of the peers living near the school, komaeda keeps his hand down-- and komaeda always gets overwhelmed by the same beautiful trees and gardens. people in this neighborhood care a lot about their landscaping, which is something komaeda appreciates. 

he likes pretty things, which is how he found himself staring at hinata’s face and noticing it’s more contemplative than usual. he tilts his head, debating internally if he could speak or hold his silence and which would be more  _ obnoxious.  _ he finds himself lost in thoughts, so much so that when hinata speaks, it surprises him.

he starts with a sigh, but then he asks evenly, “you free saturday?”

komaeda smiles. he didn’t expect it to be something like that! the two of them don’t spend much time together, but if hinata wants to, then- “of course, hinata-kun! i’m always free haha, you know that.”

his lips twitch downwards, but he keeps talking anyway. “wanna come over? mom and dad will be out. we can watch a movie or something.”

“i’d love to, hinata-kun!” komaeda beams.

“you... really don’t have to look so excited.” hinata mumbles, scratching the back of his neck.

komaeda’s grin doesn’t falter. “i love spending time with you, though! if you want me to be less eager, though, i can,” he clarifies.

he falls silent. komaeda starts subconsciously walking quicker, looking over his words to try and figure out what he said wrong. maybe he  _ should  _ be less excited? maybe hinata didn’t want him to agree, but he’s an honest person. he wouldn’t try and test komaeda… right? maybe he would, so then did komaeda answer wrong, did he-

“hey,” komaeda stops, turning around and noticing that hinata had stopped walking. he nervously flits his gaze around-- they’re near his house, now-- but he stops too. hinata talks more when he does. “nagito. you, uh, you’re always really eager to talk to me. even though i don’t talk to you much.”

komaeda frowns thoughtfully. “of course. hinata-kun has other friends, of course, but he’s still my dearest friend!”

“am i seriously your  _ only  _ friend?” no reply. “jesus. nagito, have you ever thought that… y’know, i’m not as good of a friend to you as you are to me?”

“that isn’t true, hinata-kun. you’re very, very kind, even to trash like me! i’m aware my company isn’t much, so i cherish the time you spend with me!” he smiles brightly, content with what he said, but it disappears off his face when he notices how solemn hinata’s face is. “hinata-kun?”

“you didn’t use to think that.”

“think what? i’m sorry, i’m not very smart so you’ll have to be specific-”

“that.” hinata interrupts. “the self-deprecating. for fuck’s sake, nagito, you have the highest grades in most of your classes, and yet you… you never did that when we were kids. sure, you always had your quirks, but you were never… like this. i don’t even know when this  _ started. _ ”

_ when i was seven,  _ he remembers, but figures hinata wouldn’t like to hear that.

he bites his lip. “i’m sorry, hinata-kun.”

he shakes his head, rubbing his temple. “i’m not asking you to apologize. i don’t even know what i’m  _ saying  _ right now, but… jeez, nagito, i think i’m really bad for you. which is inconvenient because-” he cuts himself off. “nevermind. but you’re really dependent on me, and that’s-”

“with all due respect, hinata-kun, there are easier ways to say you don’t want to talk to me anymore. you really shouldn’t chew your words so much.”

hinata steps closer to komaeda, clearly frustrated. “that’s not what i  _ meant _ . i’m trying to say that you depending on me is  _ bad for you _ -”

“i can judge what is good and bad for me, hinata-kun.” komaeda argues.

“okay, yes, i appreciate you standing up for yourself, but not right now. you can’t fight this, you’re literally  _ more  _ depressed than-”

“who says i’m depressed?”

hinata blinks. “nagito, you hate yourself. you miss school and don’t reply to texts. you hardly eat anything. logic dictates that something’s fucking wrong. anyway, what i was  _ saying _ is that i’m making you depressed because we don’t hang out as much.”

“is that why you want to spend time together on saturday?” he asks, his voice more serious than he wants. he can’t find it in himself to control it. “if it’s for pity, hinata-kun, then i feel as though you have better things to-”

“ _ it’s not for pity! _ ” he suddenly shouts, and komaeda instinctually flinches. hinata looks a little guilty at that, taking a breath before continuing. “nagito, what i’ve been  _ trying  _ to say is that i’m worried about you. and there’s a lot going on, admittedly, a lot of feelings that i have that i’ve been trying to sort out. but, mainly, i’ve been  _ worried _ .”

“hm.” komaeda starts walking again, hinata matching his pace so the two of them are beside each other. after a moment, komaeda asks, “would it be easier for you if i disappeared from your life?”

hinata stops. komaeda doesn’t. “nagito, what does that  _ mean _ ?” 

he doesn’t reply. 

hinata suddenly reaches out, grabbing his arm. “nagito!”

“what.” it’s lacking the lilt to be a question. he stares blankly and, judging by the shift in hinata’s expression, he must look extremely bleak.

slowly, hinata shakes his head, looking shocked. “nagito, what’s wrong?” his voice is so soft, so  _ warm,  _ but komaeda fights off the temptation to spill everything. they find themselves staring at each other for a long while before hinata inhales deeply. “i’ll talk first, yeah? there’s a lot of feelings going through my head. but, the main thing is…” he closes his eyes. komaeda braces himself. “... is that i think i  _ like  _ you, nagito. as in, uh, more than friends.”

in retrospect, komaeda thinks, he probably couldn’t have braced himself  _ enough _ .

he registers that his eyes are wide, that his breathing has stopped. hinata’s staring at him, eyes expectant, and komaeda feels the panic settling in. hinata… liked him? no. no, that isn’t supposed to  _ happen _ . komaeda’s love for his friend is meant to remain unreciprocated because komaeda means  _ nothing,  _ because nobody would ever  _ love  _ him, because nobody ever  _ could.  _ he’s worse than filth, the lowest of the low, and yet hinata says he  _ likes  _ him?

“before you think all the things you’re thinking,” hinata says quietly. “uh, you aren’t trash. or anything like that. you’re actually really great. this is a pretty recent development, but i don’t remember a time where i was uncomfortable in your company. sure, you say weird shit, but you’ve always been really caring and nice. and pretty. and all that.”

komaeda wants to relish in the blush adorning the other’s cheeks,  _ wants  _ to wrap him in a hug and ask, no, beg, to be kept safe. but he knows in his heart that that’s  _ selfish.  _ he couldn’t taint the other like that, because hinata could have  _ anyone _ in the school in a minute,

and letting him love him, now, would ruin that.

he rips his hand from the other’s grip and starts walking again, laughing in a strangled way to himself as he replies brightly, “that’s very nice of you, hinata-kun! you’re very wrong about me, but i’m flattered! thank you!”

hinata furrows his eyebrows. “i’m not saying this to compliment you. just tell me if you like me back or not, and we can figure out the rest from there.”

he makes it sound so  _ easy.  _

god, komaeda wishes this was easy. 

but he has to stay strong. “i’m afraid it’s a bit more complicated, ahah. what i feel doesn’t matter-- i understand you’re saying this out of concern and pity, but-”

“why would i spend so many goddamn nights laying wide awake thinking of you out of  _ pity _ ?” hinata fights.

“lots of reasons!”

“that’s a non-answer.”

“i-”

“you don’t  _ have  _ an answer, you’re just fighting me because-”

“because  _ what _ , hinata-kun?”

“because you think you’re beyond love!”

“yes, because i  _ am _ .”

“why don’t you fucking get that i like you-”

“maybe,” komaeda says darkly, “because you’re the only person who cares.”

hinata’s eyes are laced with soft worry. “that’s not true, nagito.”

“tell me honestly that  _ anybody  _ else could care if i died.”

“why is it coming back to death with you?” hinata runs a hand through his hair. komaeda finds they’re getting closer to his house, and then- “i know you’re depressed, and that’s fine, but i didn’t think you were  _ suicidal _ . like, you know there’s a lot of cool things to live for.”

“like what? to be frank, hinata-kun, i can’t think of  _ anything _ .”

hinata wrings his hand, his voice a shade quieter. “what about me?” 

“maybe, but currently you’re deluded into thinking you like me. until you stop, i’m afraid i can’t-”

“i’m not  _ deluded _ , goddammit!” hinata yells. “i’m not doing this whole ass mind game! just tell me if you like me-- which i’m pretty fucking sure you do-- or tell me to piss off! either is  _ fine,  _ but you’re spitting out random shit and scaring me.”

“whatever expectations you have i won’t be able to fulfill.”

“the only thing i want is  _ you _ , nagito!” his voice is blazing, and komaeda dully registers that he feels scorched. and yet, neither are blushing anymore. “i don’t have  _ expectations _ -”

“what do you want to gain from this?”

“ _ you! _ ” his voice is louder than before, more passionate. “goddammit, nagito, all i  _ ever  _ want is you! i want to, fuck, i don’t know, pick you up in my car and grab popsickles and go to the beach. i want to fucking take you to the swim competitions and kiss you in the locker room after. i want to be dumbass teens like  _ everyone  _ says these years are for and just say fuck everything. is that so wrong? don’t we deserve that?”

komaeda feels distant, fuzzy. everything hinata says sounds so  _ perfect;  _ it’s the same things he’s dreamt about ever since he was old enough to love the other. he wants him so, so bad, but he knows he’s not worthy, knows that he can’t, knows he can’t hurt hinata like that. he thought pushing him away would be easy, but it’s not, and he just  _ wants him _ so much. 

he finds the thought of dating the other more appealing than death, which is leaving him with an ultimatum where he could never, ever be satisfied.

they’re in front of his house. komaeda laughs awkwardly, “well, i’m here. i need to get inside, i’ll see you tomorrow, i-”

“nagito komaeda, don’t you  _ dare  _ go inside when i don’t even know if you’ll ever come  _ out _ !” komaeda startles when he sees how terrified the other looks. how  _ sad  _ he looks. “talk to me! i don’t care if you punch me or hate me or curse my fucking name, i don’t  _ care,  _ i just want you to be honest! you’re never honest, and that was  _ fine  _ when i knew i always had another  _ chance. _ but now, i… i don’t  _ know _ that!”

“if you’re so scared, why don’t you call the police?”

“because you’re fucking unpredictable! i’m going to talk to the school counselor, because this is  _ really  _ fucked, but i’m not going to call the police when i don’t even know. god, nagito, can’t you see i’m scared?”

“i’m s-”

“i’m not  _ asking _ for an apology!” 

“well, what do you want from me?”

“i’ve said it a thousand fucking times-”

“you don’t-”

“i want  _ you _ !”

“you’re lying!”

“why would i lie about this shit?”

“because you want to  _ hurt _ me!”   
  


“how am i h-”

“ _ fuck you _ !” 

“nagito, i-”

“i thought we could be  _ fine _ ! i thought everything would be fine for a little bit, because at  _ least  _ i still had you, because i could actually convince myself to wake up because i always  _ knew  _ i’d at least have you! and now, you’re saying you  _ want  _ me, and all i want to do is  _ disappear,  _ because maybe then, you’ll-”

komaeda doesn’t get to finish his sentence because, before he can blink or process anything, hinata has a death grip on the front of his shirt and he’s  _ kissing  _ him. 

the kiss is violent. teeth clash and within a few seconds, hinata’s tongue is in his mouth. he’s biting his bottom lip, and komaeda lets him, the pain enough to ground himself. hinata kisses him like he’s  _ dying,  _ but it would be more accurate to say  _ komaeda  _ is dying, hinata kissing him as if bruised and spit-covered lips could keep him  _ here.  _ hinata’s hands move from his shirt to his waist, slipping down to his ass while komaeda flings his arms around the other’s neck. they hardly separate for long enough to take a full breath, and they keep meeting each other even when komaeda’s back hits his front door, soft whines and growls punctuating each meeting. 

in the short breaks they have before they kiss again, hinata whispers breathlessly, “fuck, nagito-” break. “-i think i-” break. “ _ love you _ -” break. “-god, i-” he stops talking after that, focusing his energy on kissing him more desperately. he tastes like mint and a bit of chlorine and  _ citrus _ , and it’s a taste komaeda wants to drown in. he wonders idly if hinata can taste his raspberry chapstick, but the thought is silenced with a nip against his bottom lip.

(he probably tastes a bit more like blood)

it’s bliss. it’s all he’s ever wanted, ever  _ needed.  _ for years, he’s missed a piece of himself that he’s found only after making out with hinata, something he’s always thought of late at night when he  _ yearns  _ for the other, and-

-and komaeda’s hit with the  _ reminder  _ that this is the first time he’s ever kissed anyone.

(suddenly, the static of his thoughts returns)

he breaks apart from hinata, moving his hand to press against his chest, keeping him from coming back for more. hinata meets his eyes, breath heaving, and komaeda slowly shakes his head. tears appear in his eyes, and the brunet watches him with concern as he starts to cry. 

his hand flies backwards, twisting his door handle. hinata moves his hands off him but starts begging. “nagito, i’m so fucking sorry, please just talk to me, i-”

“i can’t do this,” he gasps, finding it hard to speak with the sobs lodged in his throat. he can’t turn around, can’t look at the other,  _ can’t breathe _ \- “i’m sorry, i can’t, i-” his voice breaks just as he manages to open the door.

hinata’s hand reaches out to grab his wrist, but komaeda twists it away. “nagito, we don’t have to do anything, i just want to talk but if you don’t want to do that we can just watch a movie or eat food, please, god, please let me stay with you for the night. just so i know you’re okay. i can’t leave until i know that you-”

komaeda shuts the door, sliding down the wood on the other side and burying his face into his knees. he lets out a sob that hinata can probably hear from the other side, and he hears his muffled voice say, “s’okay, nagi, i’m going to stay in case you need me.” he cries harder at that, biting into the fabric of his jacket to keep his noises down. he wants to pry the door open and kiss the other recklessly, feel his arms against his again,

but nothing is enough to pull him off the floor.

  
and above the cacophony of sobs, he hears the warm voice of his only companion for his entire lifetime whisper  _ you, you, you. _

**Author's Note:**

> komahina week day one!
> 
> prompt: school au | childhood | firsts
> 
> i went with pretty much all of them for this! uhm this isn't really my best work (pacing is kinda wacky at the start) but i'm super excited for this! i'm hoping (praying) that the last fic of this will be my 100th fic!! i'm trying to do all of them so wish me luck ahaha
> 
> also, side note, thank u, komahina island discord members, for being the NICEST even though i'm like an awkward little baby who doesn't know how to do anything. thank you guys, seriously.
> 
> okay! sorry that's all!! oh, yeah, the times of me posting may be a tad wacky because i like posting at nighttime but i also,,, may post these at weird midday times!! okay, bye bye, thank you for reading today's sample of hot garbage


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